Let us go on an adventure!

My earliest memory is of my grandfather taking me to the local library for what would be the first of many.  He told me that books could show me a world that no one else could.  And thus began my love affair with books and the building that held them within.

I visited this sanctuary weekly (sometimes more) taking adventures on imaginary trees, solving mysteries, becoming a voyeur of the rich and famous and questioning the rules of authorities.  With each book I held I embarked on a new and wonderful escape into a world of my choosing.

Its only in the last few years that this pleasure has disappeared.  Life became too busy.  Too difficult.  Concentration wained and these beloved friends took a back burner.  One of my lessons in this journey of discovering myself again to remember....embrace....accept things that use to be a large part of who I was.  Who I am!

I have begun my love affair with the pages and words of other enlightened souls.  Taking me into a world unlike my own to explore.

My first book on this journey speaks loudly to my soul.  Anyone who knows me, nows the precious place that angels hold to my heart.  They speak to my essence.

I grabbed this book as a quick and easy read to start my rediscovery of an old pleasure.  Ms.  Georgian didn't disappoint.  She began by explaining her "gift" and then proceeded in to explaining the hierarchy and belief of angels.  But I must admit my favourite was the last half of the book.  Through these pages she shared the many experiences people have encountered in their life with angels.  It gave this topic a personal touch....making angels approachable.

It has been quite enjoyable allowing Ms. Georgian to reaquaint me with the joys of angels and reading simultaneously.

The Art Of Being Alone

Being alone has never been something that I was good at.  I know many who relish the chance to spend hours in their own company with no distraction but their own thoughts.  Me....not so much.

As a child being raised by my grandmother, I was often alone.  My aunts and uncles were older than myself by many years and they were at a different stage of life.  It was grandma and me.  And as much as I adored her, she was still 50 years my senior.  

I guess I was a bit of an odd duck for I had playmates but remember spending much time alone watching others play.  Always feeling like I wasn't included in the fun.  Throughout school I spent many nights once again in my own company and this continued on into university.  I was different than my classmates.  I lived on my own whereas most of them returned home at the end of the term and I would find myself again.....in my own company.  

Once I got married and had a family I filled my life and home with activity.  Not sure if this was just what I thought family meant or if it was my attempt at never to be alone.  And then family changed, kids grew up and husbands distanced themselves.....and here I am again in the unenviable position of being ALONE.

I could fight this terrible "disease" or I could embrace it.  How many of you actual enjoy the silence? 

At this stage of life I am learning that being alone and being lonely do not have to be the same thing.  Somehow I have superimposed one on top of the other to the point that they are interchangeable.  But I am learning this is not true.  Silence can be golden....not deafening.  Alone can be cathartic and not heartbreaking.  With each step I hope to make alone a good thing and remove that fear that has grown over time.  I wish to remove the strangle hold it holds over me and learn that my company is a treasure.  

Baby steps they say.  And so it is.  I will continue to use the tv for background noise or music to fill my time and from time to time I will allow the silence to enter my home like a dear friend.  I will embrace this ME time (maybe a name change will help remove the negative reaction) and take this chance to get to know me.  The real me that I have never really taken the chance to really know.

Lets see if being alone can be a good thing.

A new year......a new me???

A new year is always a blank slate.  A book filled with empty pages.   A canvas ready for paint.  An adventure ready for the planning.  And with this new year I am embarking upon a journey of self discovery.

For so many years my life has followed a set path.  I was the dutiful granddaughter who did as she was told and applied herself to school and acceptable values.  I was the inquisitive student who went to university and fell in love.  I was the supportive wife who put her husband's needs first.  And then I became the ever loving mother who devoted any self that was left to the upbringing of my child.

Through the years parts of myself eroded away ever so slowly.  So slowly that I was unaware that "I" disappeared as I aimed to please my family, my friends and my values.  And it has brought me to where I am today.  I am at a loss as people say "Do for yourself.  Do what you enjoy."  But what is that????

How does somebody make these decisions when they don't even know who they are anymore?  I'm not the innocent schoolgirl or the optimistic lady in love.  My life isn't fresh and new.  Life experience has changed me into someone I don't recognize.  Someone who I'm not sure I really like anymore.   My focus isn't my husband's needs or my daughter's care.   My attention is now for no one but myself and I have no idea which way to turn.  Which path to follow.  Or what I even may want to do.

This blog is my way of finding direction.   I'm hoping over the year ahead to rediscover who I am NOW.  I have 365 days to start learning my likes.  My interests.  My desires.  My future!!!